“You are not the work you do. You are the person you are.” – Toni Morrison
The first time I read this I sat with it. For a long time. I have always defined myself by the work I do. Since I began working with children I started to think of myself as the work that I do. In high school I ran an after-school program for 3rd and 4th graders in a little building in the parking lot of a church in Lansing, MI. I remember at that point in time thinking that I was no longer a high schooler, I was a “program manager.” This only intensified as I worked through my career and found my passion for education; when I became a teacher, I took on that persona and wore it like a badge of honor. I still do.
So, how is it possible that Toni Morrison got it so wrong? I have tossed this over in my mind time and again. I would think to myself, “sure, Toni, that sounds good, but it just isn’t right.”
You see, growing up my mom would always say
“Life’s not fair.”
Growing up with no less than 8 other children, this became the catch-phrase that she used for just about everything under the sun.
“But Ma, just because I am the oldest girl doesn’t mean that I should have to be the babysitter! What about the boys?”
“Life’s not fair,” was always the simple response.
“But Ma, the boys all got their own bedroom, and I still have to share mine.”
“Well, life’s not fair,” my mom would explain.
I remember once when I was about 12 I finally got up the nerve to say what I had been thinking. The next time my mom said “life’s not fair,” instead of sulking, I lifted my head and said firmly, “Well, you could make it a whole lot more fair if you tried!”
Instantly I regretted the words that came from my lips, but never regretted the sentiment. I was grounded, maybe slapped across the face, and worst of all, this is the first time I remember my mother giving me the silent treatment. She didn’t say a word to me. (In retrospect, this might mean that I wasn’t technically ever put on punishment, but we all knew that I was grounded.)
Why is it that we have to accept unfair as it is?
What if my work does define me?
So, two of the people that I admire and respect the most in the world are just dead wrong, right?
The real problem is that we are forced into false dichotomies. In seeking to explain things, we neglect to really accept that two seemingly opposite things can actually be true at the same time.
“Life isn’t fair.” There’s no doubt about that. And at the same time, naive Jill was also right; there is a lot that we can do to make life just a little more fair. ”
You are not the work that you do. You are the person that you are.” But if you work hard and decide on a career path that aligns with your personal mission and goals, your work can become a representation of the person you are.
So, the quotes I will use to kick of the New Year are borrowed from Toni Morrison and my mother, but only in part:
“I selected the work that I do and will continue to work towards ensuring that it represents who I am as a person.”
“Life’s not fair, and I commit to making it more equitable and inclusive for all people.”
I am an educator. That is the work that I do. But I am also so much more. And life isn’t fair, but I work everyday to bring equity and inclusivity into education.
That’s why I do what I do. What do you do each day? How do you teach, lead, and influence?